The work of God, like a dream!

While working on my Bible study on Psalm 126, I was reminded of something that happened several years ago that seemed to good to be true. Our car had broken down and had to be abandoned...no fix. I was using a red wagon to walk to the grocery store for food and then a friend graciously loaned us their car (thanks again Tim and Jan Ritchie) My attitude was pretty good until Don's truck broke down...that was the last straw and I cried and told God it was just too much! Then one night as we were locking up the house for bed, I found a large envelope taped to our door...in it were papers for a car...a station wagon for our large family was parked out front...a gift from friends at our church. I was amazed and Don and I laughed and cried. The next day I asked my PA mother why God didn't give us the car when I was being good. Why did He wait until I was complaining? She just said, "God loves to give good gifts to His children." Psalm 126 brought to mind that time when I thought I must be dreaming (read it from the Message Bible). Friends bought us a car??? Too amazing and wonderful to imagine. Thank you again dear friends (we still don't know who they are, only that they were from SBBC). Verse 4 says "And now God, do it again:...God knows what I have been asking for. Tim and Charity are getting a room ready for Abigail. She plans to move in with them in September when she is released. That is not the only request I have sown in tears. "So those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing." Please God!

Favorite Christmas Memory

One of the blogs in my google reader account showed us some wonderful toys from the Land of Nod (see jonesdesigncompany.com/holiday/land-of-nod/#ixzz1fNqEHiGt). They are giving away a $75 gift card which I would love to use for toys for our grandsons. To win, we have to leave a comment about a favorite childhood gift. Got me thinking:
Ummm, the very best childhood gift? I really can’t think of one in particular. What I do remember vividly is that my Mother always left one gift for each of us unwrapped under the Christmas tree. When we came down the stairs in the morning there was no hesitation over whose gift was whose. Even if we hadn’t specifically asked for what what there, each of us four kids KNEW the gift intended for us. Kind of like God’s gifts…each one chosen especially for us…because he KNOWS us.

36 years ago...

I was eagerly waiting the arrival of our first child...and yes, with some fear and trepidation...mostly fear of the unknown. I was so excited that I would finally be a mother even though I was only 19 years old. My life's dream was to marry and have childen and that dream was soon to be realized.
Since I was all of three days overdue, Don and I went for a long walk...nothing happened. I then scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hand and knees (old wive's tale?) and started cramping. I had no idea I was in labor because all the more experienced women I had talked with breezily said, "oh, you will KNOW when you are in labor." HA! I thought that I was constipated so ended up eating several prunes over the next few hours. By the next morning, I still didn't know what was happening so told Don to go on to class because there was no consistency to the cramps. An experienced mother came over to stay with me and advised me to call the hospital. The nurse there told me that I probably was in early labor but should come in to be checked out. All of the married men knew why Don was being called out of class so that is a fun memory. When we arrived at the hospital (a half hour away) and I was checked, the doctor said I probably wouldn't deliver until early afternoon. It was about 9 am by then. Since I was dilated 5 cm. but my contractions weren't regular, the doctor ordered pitocin...a small sublingual pill! Well, that did it! My beautiful pink baby girl arrived at 10:16 am! I had become a mother and my dreams had come true! As I write this, Don is sitting here going through the 1975/76 photo album looking at those first pictures of our sweet girl. If they were digital, I would post the one of her and her daddy when he brought flowers to her when she was just 6 months old. I wonder if Sarah remembers the jumping kangaroo that she received her first Christmas. Dad just shared his memory with details I had not heard before.
We love you Sarah Elizabeth White!

Eeyore or Pooh

This blog entry http://www.incourage.me/2011/09/savoring-time-together.html) from (in)courage spurred this remembrance: For 19 years, we lived in a transient community near Baptist Bible College in NE, PA. I hated it. I would make good friends getting closer and closer during their time at the college (through our local church) and then they would be off...to ministry, back home, wherever God wanted them to go. Then one fall seven years later, I found myself remarking to another woman in the church, "I wonder who God is going to bring to us this year." Know how your own words can shock you when you hear them coming from your mouth? Where had the change come from? From hating the separations and feeling that God was taking from me, to eagerly looking to see who He would bring next. Ah....God had done a sweet silent work in my heart. What a special blessing when the God of the Universe touches us. Perspective is so important.

Loneliness (part 1)

From my journal today...I googled "lonely" and "loneliness" and was surprised to find so much discussion:blogs, books, even studies.I keep trying to identify this feeling. I want it to go away. It's uncomfortable. I feel empty. I thought it was anxiety--this feeling of tears behind my eyeballs for no apparent reason, this search for peace and rest. I've been told that emotions are trecherous advisors and since I have a history of being an emotional thinker (moody), I am quick to think that the emotion itself is wrong. I think I'm just lonely. I walk into church (a normal social place for me) and say hi and struggle with small talk but what I am really looking for is connnection. I search people's faces hoping for a glimpse of...what? "I see you, you are of value to me, I have room for you in my life." I have potential friend radar up but yet I am very afraid of being too needy and I am terribly afraid of rejection (or perceived rejection). Somehow I view this as a problem--something is WRONG with me, if only I was plugged into God correctly, I would be full. I hear "God is enough" and I desperately want Him to be. But then I know also that He made us to be relational.
So, would you dialogue with me about this? I'm sure now that I am not the only one who feels this way. Just writing this makes me feel better (a diagnosis helps). Will I really press "publish" or be safe and keep it hidden in my journal? I did spend time this morning doing a study of "lonely" and "alone" in the Bible...that may be in part 2.

Bananas or Lemons?

Recently, while talking with three different friends about what is happening in their lives, they shared stories about the trials of trying to care for their mothers. Because of health issues and natural aging issues, they have been put in the position of having to take charge to see that their mothers are cared for. All three of these mothers are making it very difficult on their daughters...being unkind and actually abusive to those people who love them the most. Each of these daughters have grounds to withdraw and let natural consequences happen. But instead, each of these daughters is choosing to honor their difficult parent and hang in there and try to make the best decisions they know how to make for the longterm good of their parent.

My mother has said that when she needs care, she will gladly move to Ohio to live with one of us and we will then share in her care. Mother has always been outgoing and friendly so during her stay in the nursing home she naturally went from room to room visiting those who were not as mobile and finding partners to play games with. She is "given to hospitality" so takes that with her wherever she goes. If you are driving through central West Virginia and need a place to stay, she will take you in even if she has never met you and make you feel at home.

The lesson is that as we age, we grow stronger in whatever we have already are. I have often wondered if I would sweeten like a banana, or be sour and bitter like a lemon. I truly want to be a sweet old lady...actually, I want to be a sweet middle-ager. It is my prayer that I will yield to God's hands and become sweeter and sweeter. I do not want to resist any work that He wants to do in me.

Even When Things Go Wrong, You Can Have Joy

Our ladies at Calvary have just started a new study using the Wiersbe Bible study series book on Philippians. The alternate title is Even When things go Wrong, You Can Have Joy. I hope to do several posts on things that God teaches me though this book. This post should really have come before the previous post, but I was so excited that I have done them out of order.

We almost didn't do a study this spring since Aimee has a new baby and has returned to work full time and I had surgery. But our hearts are hungry for the Word and for women to share with. The Holy Spirit put this study before Aimee and she obeyed. I have already been blessed and centered and given focus during a turbulent time in my life.

More to come.

Are all struggles gifts?

Read at least Philippians 1:29. The question in my Bible study book reads: "Are all struggles gifts?" My mind immediately started quoting James 1:2-4, "Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." (Thanks to Sunday School and WOL and AWANA.) So my answer is "yes, all struggles are gifts." In our struggles, even those of our own making, we find God to be more than we knew He was or could be. Since I believe this to be true, why do I resist struggles/trials? Why don't I embrace them as proof first, that I need God? and second, that this is an opportunity for growth--to be drawn closer to the heart of God (like the sign in our foyer says)? Dan recently changed the wording to "Let every tension (instead of inconvenience) be an invitation into the heart of God.



Do I want to be close to the heart of God? or do I want to be comfortable, free from pain, happy making this world my home? Sounds like a hard choice...but my heart longs to be close to His heart. Because of the lengths God and His Son went through for me, I am bought...heart, soul, and mind. Sometimes I think that I want to be left alone to prosper here and be carefree, but my heart shows that I am not my own and hungers for a closer relationship with Him. And that relationship means that I will be stretched and feel suffering.

A Lesson From My Mother

Recently, while going over a familiar refrain about Marilyn, Mother remarked that maybe I hear this woman with a biased ear (my words)...maybe she is right.

I have noticed that my Mother seldom complains about anything any more. She never cried about falling and breaking her hip last fall...only chastising herself for missinbg the step and lamenting that she wouldn't be at the funeral to support Aunt Mary. The closest she came to complaining was to tell me how much it hurt to be weighed in the sling contraption (getting in and out was excruciating) and how she would refuse to repeat the process. She came up with an alternative that worked much better. Just a few weeks ago, she said that her 20 days spent at Glenville Care wasn't so bad and she could go there again if need be. I'm sure she could have complained about any number of things along the way--it was a pretty traumatic event from our view as her family.

Is this something that comes with age? Either one turns into a cranky old bear or developes contentment with a positive outlook. Some days I want my Mother to commiserate with me and am disappointed that she doesn't add her two-cents worth. Now in my 50's as I listen to young people spouting off or worrying about something, I sometimes find myself wondering "what is the big deal?"

My mother is 80...so considering the alternative, I'll choose to be content with my Mother's contentment.

Just Cranky or Fighting a Spiritual Battle?

I've been having a great struggle today and remembered my son's blog post from a few days ago. (If you want to read it go to http://danielmarkwhite.blogspot.com, Reflection.) Here is my response to his post.
"Came back to this post because I have been very critical today, wanting to lash out and complain about a lot of things...all the time asking myself why I'm so "cranky" today. The message this morning was fantastic so why didn't that soothe my heart? so kept asking...I think that it is because something very hurtful is happening and I have absolutely no control over it. For application this morning, Pastor asked where we find peace...and pointed us to God's Sovereignty, His Providence, His Infallibility, and His Love. So will I find peace in God or continue to fight? I'm working on surrender, joyous surrender."

Just a few days ago, I was cold to this particular situation, today I'm torn up. The emotional part of the trial has caught up with me again and I am directing my sorrow at other things. The truth is that I am unhappy that the situation is not getting better. And ultimately that means that I am not resting in the truth of God's character. This is the human condition. This is a spiritual battle.

So when you find yourself being "cranky"...angry that a church service was cancelled even though you didn't want to go in the first place, irritable because the store is crowded and you can't find what you want, sulking because your spouse didn't answer your question or when he did answer, his tone wasn't "nice," and I could go on and on... stop and ask yourself what is really going on. Maybe go through the questions Dan posted on his blog.

You are probably in a battle of surrender and nothing short of giving in to the will (agreeing with truth) of God, which is always good and always for your best and the best of those you love, will bring peace. By the way, He is in the battle with us and understands we are dust. He shines in our weakness.

Thinking

What do you think of the new look? Dan helped me with it last month but I still have a long way to go to learn how to add things and change designs. While browsing through backgrounds this one caught my eye right away....why? Because I am a vessel for my Master's use. I'll get back around to talking about vessels and pots at a later date.

While scanning blogs, I have been thinking about this one. What is it's purpose? What do I want to do with it? I know that I don't want to have more than one blog so am wondering if this one can have several faces. I love going through quilting blogs so log into quilterblogs.com/updates/ where many quilting/sewing blogs are brought together. My favorite of this type is Stash Manicure at stashmanicure.blogspot.com. I do my own "stash manicuring" on a regular basis and would like to someday post to this blog. Later, later.

Recently, I have run across several blogs dedicated to mothers or families of addicts. Some have really touched my heart. Our family has lived life loving an addicted daughter for four years and there are times when I have wondered about sharing our story here.

Then there are the epiphanies...the times when the light bulb goes on while studying Scripture and God causes His truth to come alive and my eyes SEE something in a new and real way. So can I blog about all of these things on the same page....I'm going to try. I will be careful to tag each entry so that you may choose which items you would like to read (in case you are interested in one subject over another).

Truth vs. Emotions

I think that we all have to admit that there are times when our emotions have a hard time catching up with the Truth. What do we do when we try to tell ourselves the truth and our emotions refuse to change?

This was where I found myself last Thursday. We had a family situation that went well but was so serious that the next day I was hit with some pretty heavy emotional fallout. It didn't hit until was already at work...I was overtaken by fear and wanted to go back home, crawl into bed and sob all day (not that I could cry all day, but I felt like I could). Right away, I opened my journal and began writing down Truth...sentences that I could claim all day whenever I felt overwhelmed. Among my thoughts was a quote from a friend of mine..."emotions are treacherous advisers." I knew not to trust them, but that didn't change the fact that they were plaguing me and making it hard to get through the day. So what to do? Just do the next thing. Walk through the day doing what is in front of you to do and keep taking those emotions to God. They will lose their power over time.

I took those emotions with me to Bible study that night knowing that I needed more Truth and that I would miss a blessing if I gave in and didn't go. Our study is Lies Women Believe and at a certain point my battle fit right in the study so I gave up my silence and shared. They encouraged me with God's Word and then all gathered around and prayed for my situation and I was released from the grip I'd been in all day. Not only did I need to rehearse the truth and have the truth pointed out to me, I needed the power of those women going into battle and praying the Truth. Their prayers settled around me like a blanket of comfort and I was blessed. "The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." (James 5:16)

Thank you ladies!

God Meant It!

In our flock group we are studying the life of Joseph. Do you remember the events of his life? He was Daddy's favorite with caused jealousy with the other brothers. He tattled on them which didn't help the situation. He shared dreams which elevated him further and put down his family. So the brothers got even and sold him (better than murder). Through the years, he is used by God and elevated in Potiphar's house. He is also handsome and well built....and catches the eye of Potiphar's wife who hounds him daily to go to bed with her. He resists continually so she lies and he is sent to prison. God uses him there also and eventually he is remembered, released and saves his family from starvation. The point is Genesis 50:20, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." Pastor Brown started listing the things that God Meant in Joseph's life and my heart was seized with the thought, "God doesn't just mop up." I am well aware that God can and does turn our messes around as we choose to serve Him and I have taught women that there is only Plan A. Christ coming to redeem us after Adam and Eve fell was not Plan B...it was Plan A all along. If we truly believe in the Sovereignty of God, then there is only Plan A. God does not cause our sin/failures, but neither does he just "mop up." This may be beyond our feeble minds but these thoughts caused my heart to respond in an overwhelming way. Why had I not connected His redemptive Plan A to specific hurts in my life?

While I am disappointed that my life has to include some particular heart-breaking situations, I am lifted up by the thought that God Means them for good (whether I can see that good or not). The truth of that statement is life changing, heart changing, emotion changing for me. I will choose to believe the Truth rather than my emotions and let it lift me to a better place. I will surrender my plan to His, knowing that it was Plan A all along.

Just kiss him!

Every woman wants to be pursued. I think this statement is true. I want to be shown every day that I am loved and cherished and wanted. What happens when our mate "stops" showing those things. Since I have married 35 years, I have probably handled this about every way possible. I have complained, made my requests known, sulked, stormed, gotten stuck in sadness. I have taken the lead....ok, if he isn't going to kiss me when he comes in from work, I will kiss him. If he doesn't kiss me before going to bed, I will make the effort to kiss him. Oh, but I don't always want to be the one taking the lead, ummmm, maybe he really doesn't want me in his face. Maybe he doesn't even like me today. Ever have these thoughts? I do.

I have wasted a lot of time longing to be loved and pursued in particular ways. I have wasted a lot of time waiting for him to see me. Satan has told me a lot of lies that I have believed. Here are some facts: I am loved, first by God my Abba and also by my husband.
That love is there whether I feel it or not.
My sweet husband is very sensitive to my vibes.
He has also been caught by Satan's lies which were spoken
some very key people in his life.
I too, have a filter of past baggage.

So what do I do? Believe in God's great love for me. Let him fill me to overflowing as we spend time together (this is the most important thing I can do in my day). Believe God's truth instead of Satan's lies. Stop dwelling on who is loving more or first, just let the love of God flow out onto my sweetheart. Assume he likes it unless he tells me differently (yeah, like that's going to happen...."stop loving me so much Beverly!") And finally, leave the results to God. I know it is hard to DO without having expectations of what we will RECEIVE as a result. This is my challenge.

Do you know what you really want?

"If he isn't going to talk with me about money, then I am going to spend what I please."
"I want him to stand up to me. He's too passive" ... so she spends and he cleans up the mess

These are common thoughts, and I've heard them said out loud. Upon hearing her own voice, does the person saying those words realize just how foolish she is being? Have you ever found yourself using this passive aggressive tactic? Probably at some time in your life...maybe not in the exact same senario.

What is it with us women? We think we want to be in control, and sometimes we do... until we get tired of the responsibility. We think we want things our way, until we alienate those around us because they can't measure up to our standards and we find ourselves packing the car alone, planning family events alone, doing the chores alone, raising the kids alone, etc.

So what do we women want? Do we want our husbands to stand up to us even when we are being brats? Do we want to them to be strong enough to confront us when we are wrong? I know that in the midst of some of my worst temper tantrums (PMS), I have hoped he would stop me. Have you seen the menopause episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I know we want them to love us in spite of our flaws, but do we really want accountability? do we want them to intervene or let us have our way?

I am not going to talk about their Biblical responsibility. I am asking us women to think about our resonsibility before God. Every woman knows or will find out that even if she thinks she wants her way and even if she thinks she wants to be in control...IF he lets her have her way and if he doesn't step up and stand up to her when necessary, she will come to disrespect him. So why don't we make it easier on our men and fulfill our responsibility to he a "helper suitable". When we are out of line, apologize. Ask for his input, and follow it (not saying blindly follow, but listen with open ears). And if we know we have a problem with control, confess it to him and ask him to help. And then, even if he doesn't step up, interfere, etc......we have scripture to rein us in. We have no one to blame for our bad behavior.

Anniversary

35 years ... can I start over? with the same man (YES)! It's a good thing that our memories go with age. I think he remembers me more kindly than I remember myself. Soooooooo grateful for the work of God in our lives that has kept us to this time. We are going to Whispering Pines at Atwood Lake this weekend (a gift from Sarah) and hoped to take our kayaks...it's snowing outside today! there's still hope for Friday.

Family Moment

Today is our first grandson's 6th birthday! We all wonder where the time goes. Not so long ago I was holding him in my arms reading "I'll Love You Forever"... a favorite book in our family. He is a delight to us as we watch him grow. Grammy hasn't seen him since Christmas so is looking forward to May when we will make a trip to Pennsylvania.

Truth moment...

Had a "truth" moment last night during Old Testament class. I call them "truth" moments because it happens when truths come together and my heart gets it! Dan calls them epiphanies. In walking through Abraham's life (the ups and downs) the last few weeks we arrived at Gen. 15:17...God made or solidified the covenant with Himself while Abraham was sleeping. This covenant was based upon the very character of God, not the character of Abraham. It hit me that my salvation is based on the same...the very character of God Himself. Christ drew me and will not lose any that the Father has given Him. Not only does that reinforce the love of God for me, but also for my children. I can rest in that same power and though I have responsibilities, Christ's pursuit of my children is not dependent on me. Don has said that he wants "Born a rebel, died a servant" on his tombstone. I think mine should read "She learned to rest."

Always a first time.

I am totally new to this...managing a blog on my own. So remember, this is work in progress. Our lives are made up of moments...some that stand out, others that go by without a thought. This blog is for the moments that we pay attention to:
Truth moments~when what we learn day by day comes together and our heart gets the message.
Family moments~when an event or something said stands out like a snapshot.
Quilting moments~this is one of my hobbies, my passions. I love putting together fabrics. It's like picking flowers for me. The beauty of the color and design coming together makes me happy and is extremely satisfying.
Play moments~we are never too old to play...
And I'm sure there will be other categories as we go along.