Thinking

What do you think of the new look? Dan helped me with it last month but I still have a long way to go to learn how to add things and change designs. While browsing through backgrounds this one caught my eye right away....why? Because I am a vessel for my Master's use. I'll get back around to talking about vessels and pots at a later date.

While scanning blogs, I have been thinking about this one. What is it's purpose? What do I want to do with it? I know that I don't want to have more than one blog so am wondering if this one can have several faces. I love going through quilting blogs so log into quilterblogs.com/updates/ where many quilting/sewing blogs are brought together. My favorite of this type is Stash Manicure at stashmanicure.blogspot.com. I do my own "stash manicuring" on a regular basis and would like to someday post to this blog. Later, later.

Recently, I have run across several blogs dedicated to mothers or families of addicts. Some have really touched my heart. Our family has lived life loving an addicted daughter for four years and there are times when I have wondered about sharing our story here.

Then there are the epiphanies...the times when the light bulb goes on while studying Scripture and God causes His truth to come alive and my eyes SEE something in a new and real way. So can I blog about all of these things on the same page....I'm going to try. I will be careful to tag each entry so that you may choose which items you would like to read (in case you are interested in one subject over another).

Truth vs. Emotions

I think that we all have to admit that there are times when our emotions have a hard time catching up with the Truth. What do we do when we try to tell ourselves the truth and our emotions refuse to change?

This was where I found myself last Thursday. We had a family situation that went well but was so serious that the next day I was hit with some pretty heavy emotional fallout. It didn't hit until was already at work...I was overtaken by fear and wanted to go back home, crawl into bed and sob all day (not that I could cry all day, but I felt like I could). Right away, I opened my journal and began writing down Truth...sentences that I could claim all day whenever I felt overwhelmed. Among my thoughts was a quote from a friend of mine..."emotions are treacherous advisers." I knew not to trust them, but that didn't change the fact that they were plaguing me and making it hard to get through the day. So what to do? Just do the next thing. Walk through the day doing what is in front of you to do and keep taking those emotions to God. They will lose their power over time.

I took those emotions with me to Bible study that night knowing that I needed more Truth and that I would miss a blessing if I gave in and didn't go. Our study is Lies Women Believe and at a certain point my battle fit right in the study so I gave up my silence and shared. They encouraged me with God's Word and then all gathered around and prayed for my situation and I was released from the grip I'd been in all day. Not only did I need to rehearse the truth and have the truth pointed out to me, I needed the power of those women going into battle and praying the Truth. Their prayers settled around me like a blanket of comfort and I was blessed. "The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." (James 5:16)

Thank you ladies!

God Meant It!

In our flock group we are studying the life of Joseph. Do you remember the events of his life? He was Daddy's favorite with caused jealousy with the other brothers. He tattled on them which didn't help the situation. He shared dreams which elevated him further and put down his family. So the brothers got even and sold him (better than murder). Through the years, he is used by God and elevated in Potiphar's house. He is also handsome and well built....and catches the eye of Potiphar's wife who hounds him daily to go to bed with her. He resists continually so she lies and he is sent to prison. God uses him there also and eventually he is remembered, released and saves his family from starvation. The point is Genesis 50:20, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." Pastor Brown started listing the things that God Meant in Joseph's life and my heart was seized with the thought, "God doesn't just mop up." I am well aware that God can and does turn our messes around as we choose to serve Him and I have taught women that there is only Plan A. Christ coming to redeem us after Adam and Eve fell was not Plan B...it was Plan A all along. If we truly believe in the Sovereignty of God, then there is only Plan A. God does not cause our sin/failures, but neither does he just "mop up." This may be beyond our feeble minds but these thoughts caused my heart to respond in an overwhelming way. Why had I not connected His redemptive Plan A to specific hurts in my life?

While I am disappointed that my life has to include some particular heart-breaking situations, I am lifted up by the thought that God Means them for good (whether I can see that good or not). The truth of that statement is life changing, heart changing, emotion changing for me. I will choose to believe the Truth rather than my emotions and let it lift me to a better place. I will surrender my plan to His, knowing that it was Plan A all along.

Just kiss him!

Every woman wants to be pursued. I think this statement is true. I want to be shown every day that I am loved and cherished and wanted. What happens when our mate "stops" showing those things. Since I have married 35 years, I have probably handled this about every way possible. I have complained, made my requests known, sulked, stormed, gotten stuck in sadness. I have taken the lead....ok, if he isn't going to kiss me when he comes in from work, I will kiss him. If he doesn't kiss me before going to bed, I will make the effort to kiss him. Oh, but I don't always want to be the one taking the lead, ummmm, maybe he really doesn't want me in his face. Maybe he doesn't even like me today. Ever have these thoughts? I do.

I have wasted a lot of time longing to be loved and pursued in particular ways. I have wasted a lot of time waiting for him to see me. Satan has told me a lot of lies that I have believed. Here are some facts: I am loved, first by God my Abba and also by my husband.
That love is there whether I feel it or not.
My sweet husband is very sensitive to my vibes.
He has also been caught by Satan's lies which were spoken
some very key people in his life.
I too, have a filter of past baggage.

So what do I do? Believe in God's great love for me. Let him fill me to overflowing as we spend time together (this is the most important thing I can do in my day). Believe God's truth instead of Satan's lies. Stop dwelling on who is loving more or first, just let the love of God flow out onto my sweetheart. Assume he likes it unless he tells me differently (yeah, like that's going to happen...."stop loving me so much Beverly!") And finally, leave the results to God. I know it is hard to DO without having expectations of what we will RECEIVE as a result. This is my challenge.

Do you know what you really want?

"If he isn't going to talk with me about money, then I am going to spend what I please."
"I want him to stand up to me. He's too passive" ... so she spends and he cleans up the mess

These are common thoughts, and I've heard them said out loud. Upon hearing her own voice, does the person saying those words realize just how foolish she is being? Have you ever found yourself using this passive aggressive tactic? Probably at some time in your life...maybe not in the exact same senario.

What is it with us women? We think we want to be in control, and sometimes we do... until we get tired of the responsibility. We think we want things our way, until we alienate those around us because they can't measure up to our standards and we find ourselves packing the car alone, planning family events alone, doing the chores alone, raising the kids alone, etc.

So what do we women want? Do we want our husbands to stand up to us even when we are being brats? Do we want to them to be strong enough to confront us when we are wrong? I know that in the midst of some of my worst temper tantrums (PMS), I have hoped he would stop me. Have you seen the menopause episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I know we want them to love us in spite of our flaws, but do we really want accountability? do we want them to intervene or let us have our way?

I am not going to talk about their Biblical responsibility. I am asking us women to think about our resonsibility before God. Every woman knows or will find out that even if she thinks she wants her way and even if she thinks she wants to be in control...IF he lets her have her way and if he doesn't step up and stand up to her when necessary, she will come to disrespect him. So why don't we make it easier on our men and fulfill our responsibility to he a "helper suitable". When we are out of line, apologize. Ask for his input, and follow it (not saying blindly follow, but listen with open ears). And if we know we have a problem with control, confess it to him and ask him to help. And then, even if he doesn't step up, interfere, etc......we have scripture to rein us in. We have no one to blame for our bad behavior.

Anniversary

35 years ... can I start over? with the same man (YES)! It's a good thing that our memories go with age. I think he remembers me more kindly than I remember myself. Soooooooo grateful for the work of God in our lives that has kept us to this time. We are going to Whispering Pines at Atwood Lake this weekend (a gift from Sarah) and hoped to take our kayaks...it's snowing outside today! there's still hope for Friday.

Family Moment

Today is our first grandson's 6th birthday! We all wonder where the time goes. Not so long ago I was holding him in my arms reading "I'll Love You Forever"... a favorite book in our family. He is a delight to us as we watch him grow. Grammy hasn't seen him since Christmas so is looking forward to May when we will make a trip to Pennsylvania.